Through calling a friend to arrange a podcast I just found out there was an “important game” on this evening. Arsenal vs Chelsea in the Europa League Final. Being an Arsenal “fan” I should probably have known that, but I really struggle to find enthusiasm for football or any event hosted by society for that matter… saying that…you know what?
I’m going to watch the game. I’ll write the rest later…
Later didn’t come as I was too tired from watching the game that I just slept. It was a horrible experience for Arsenal fans too. Fortunately, I use the term “fan” loosely to describe myself, so I wasn’t upset one bit. Why do I even call myself a fan then?
Well, because society suggests you need a football team to support. Too many people are suffocating under the blanket of control, to not remain in touch, otherwise, I’ll literally have no-one else to talk to. So, yeah, I’m an Arsenal “fan”.
Don’t mistake my lack of enthusiasm for acknowledgment of skill required to play. I promote bettering yourself – in whatever you do. The players, managers, staff, fans don’t necessarily realise what they are promoting. Gambling, hate, diversion, fabrication.
Sure, good things are also produced. Inspiration, discipline, involvement, spiritual growth and aspiration. Unfortunately, the final one is a double-edged sword. Aspiration is also used as a weapon. YOU CAN BECOME A PROFESSIONAL PLAYER! YOU CAN DO IT! YOU CAN DO ANYTHING! Fantastic inspirational words – if you say them yourself.
If they’re coming from an organisation, they want something in return. If they’re coming from governments, they know you will hit a wall eventually and fall into their system of a career, with no family, a livable wage, and a fraction of freedom.
My God! I never meant this to be a rant! Let’s bring some positivity into this!
Well, I wrote that last sentence on Sunday night, but I was distracted – not a bad distraction mind. I wanted to put a subscription box in at the bottom, as I really want to start compiling an email list. However, since then I’ve been incredibly fatigued and my hopes of traveling in the manner I want to are becoming questionable. Even to myself. I was being hit by another wave of depression. I’m feeling a lot better now, after watching a YouTube video that I have posted at the bottom. Work isn’t mainly due to a colleague who could easily go an entire day without uttering a word to me – she’s forced because I make sure I say “Good morning”, every morning. I’m a social person. I need “dad” jokes. I need comedy and intelligent conversation, even shit conversation, like Game of Thrones or football is good occasionally.
Anyway, I believe I have decided on a destination for my expedition. I was debating between Canada to Argentina or the UK to Australia, without flying. It’s more ecological, I’ll see more of the world and build more skillsets. I think I’ll go to Australia.
So what are my objectives?
I’ve had a lot of time to think about this and one thing I know for sure I don’t want to live in the UK. I want to live somewhere real, somewhere you use your body, your real tools to get things done – not a keyboard and a mouse. I haven’t got any yet, but I want my children to receive this education, this discipline, this dedication, whilst having a loving family available whenever required. I hope I’ll do more expeditions, so I don’t have any pressure on any of the objectives.
- Build my skillsets – I don’t want to be just an “IT Worker” anymore.
- Enhance my spiritual growth – I want to build my character and understand more about depression, energy, life.
- Find my soulmate – I don’t want to travel alone forever and I’ve had my fun now. I only need one woman to love and live alongside as an equal.
- Find my home – I don’t want to live in the UK, so I need to find a habitat to suit my cultural and weather desires, where I can enjoy and be accepted in a community of peace and love.
I’ve also been deciding on a vlog starting next year, although I really wanted to limit my technology whilst traveling and I’m not one for taking pictures, so it was just going to be a GoPro attached to my chest. Yet a comment made by a YouTuber, Backpacking Simon, that I have such admiration for, reminded me to be careful around social media as it doesn’t show everything and is such a major attributor to modern day depression.
“Hey Guys, This is indeed very hard for me to speak about.
I again reached a very difficult point of my life. (Been there before when I settled down in Mexico for 5 month) I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately, and on my videos you totally get a wrong impression by who I really am. Everyone thinks that I am this super happy dude that is always happy and everything in my life is pure positivity. Reality looks very different though. I am freaking lonely although I am never alone. This is probably due to the fact that people around me constantly change, and I just can’t deal with it no more. Also I am seriously debating to stop uploading videos to YouTube. I know most of the feedback I get on social media is positive. But the fact that I am constantly being judged by my actions from people that don’t even know who I really am eats me from inside. You can’t imagine how this actually feels because you have never been in this situation and you probably never will be in this situation.
And you should be happy about it. Also I have put so much work and commitment into building a community on YouTube. I always tried to turn this into my main source of income. Since I changed my content into English it has been a wild roller coaster ride. Huge ups and huge downs. All this work that I put in here just doesn’t pay off at the end. I move from some country into another and all of a sudden you are only left with 10% of what you earned before. Just imagine on the end of the month your boss comes into your office and tells you “hey this month I will have to pay you 90% less even though you did the exact same amount of work.” This is not how I wanna live my life. And no I do not want to ask for donations all the time like I did in the begging of my YouTube “career”. I do not want to be relying on others to pay for my life. Also after I traveled to Jamaica and did a lot of content on “Drugs” (Cannabis) I think I lost my credibility towards brands. I noticed that all of a sudden it became quiet hard to get any good cooperations or product placements that I actually relied on to finance my life in the past. I just can’t afford this life no more.
Now I have almost traveled for 4 entire years. And if I am completely honest with you since 3 years I do not travel for my own pleasure anymore. I kept going because I always tried to turn this YouTube thing into my job that makes a reliable income. If you do something for such a long time it just does not feel the same anymore, like with everything else in life. Traveling does not give me the joy it once gave me. A lot of times I read comments that state “I am so jealous on you Simon” and “I want to have a life like yours Simon”. You don’t even know how big of a luxury it is to be around your beloved friends and family for most of the time of the year.
Long term travel depression really is a thing. Also the fact that I am now single for more than 4 years really gives me a hard time as well. I really do am a relationship person or better said I think I really was a relationship person. Being all for myself for such a long time changes you as a person. In the last 4 years I did not hat to take consideration on somebody else. I could always do what I want. I actually think this made me socially dulled.
I am probably soon going to take a bigger break from social media. Maybe it is time to start a new chapter of my life.”
– BackpackingSimon
Social media doesn’t show everything and is such a major attributor to modern day depression.
Check out the video that I watched this evening to help get me back on track.