I was feeling excited to be on the road again. Arrenjarka offered so many things, and more yet to come in the winter season, but I had a nagging feeling in my mind. I needed to move on in pursuit of that goal. Ultimately I found myself travelling towards Serbia, where I would be battling with my thoughts in Belgrade.
I left a little earlier than intended, mainly due to the ease of transport across the country. Margot, the chef in Arrenjarka drove me to Jokkmokk the next day and provided me company with her son until my bus left in the evening, which was really nice, as I had about eight hours to wait.
My last evening was awkward but also fun. I had shared my frustrations with Magda, of which are personal and don’t wish to blabber about online, though I feel it’s important to share that once again, it isn’t all cookies and rainbows.
At some point, good things come to an end, one way or another, and we can only dance the dance and see where we land next.
We had surströmming that evening. Essentially it is fermented fish in a tin. The smell is not so pleasant, but the flavour… well… how would you feel being diced up and stored in a tin for years… yeah, salty.
But it was interesting and clearly a way to survive times without food. As David Attenborough keeps telling us about the destruction of the planet, perhaps these ideas will come in handy.
From Jokkmokk I took a bus to Luleå. It’s a small city on the coast of Sweden. I stayed with Magda’s cousin, Josephine and her boyfriend Raph.
It was a nice few days. It’s just a small city, but with plenty of important history.
The colours were vibrant and it was perfect for me to see Autumn in Sweden one last time. I suspect Serbia will not be quite at the same level as the North of Sweden yet.
We went out on my last night. We went to a bar and if I’d have known what mischief I would get myself into, I think I would have said no.
The night started calm, as most do, playing pool and having a few beers, but then things turned upside down.
Josephine and Raph went home and I stayed, and truthfully, for a Tinder match.
Yes, yes, for all the wellness articles I write, I probably shouldn’t be using a dating app. Agreed. It’s slimy.
Though a great tool to meet people and I enjoy the company of girls who are excited to share their city or town. There’s a certain buzz or happiness that guys don’t quite emit.
So anyway, clearly tonight being shown around her city was not on the agenda, and so I allowed the alcohol to make my decisions and hey, it’s been a few months now being so far up in the wilderness.
Though whilst waiting for her to arrive, I somehow found myself smoking, stupidly more so inside of the bar. Obviously I was kicked out, but without my coat. So I spent the next hour or so freezing and arguing with the bouncers to let me get my coat.
Finally, I got it back, and I’m not sure if I did actually speak to the guy who’s birthday it was, but I saw a limo and thought it would be fun to get in.
And so I did.
“Who are you!?” I was asked as I got in.
“Oh, it’s fine, your friend said I could join,” I replied, joyfully. Still, I do not remember if I had spoken to anyone about getting in the limo.
My reply settled him down and then the limo drove off. Don’t really remember much, but I don’t think I was in there for more than fifteen minutes before my tinder date messaged again saying she was now at an after-party.
There was a girl in the limo, who was being, well, groped by a disastrously drunk dude, so I asked her if she wanted to join me going to this after-party.
She agreed and off we went. I didn’t really have any right to take her to the after-party, but these are things I do when drunk.
We spent the night playing SingStar and talking shit. The tinder girl didn’t seem to mind that I had brought along this girl, after hearing the story in the limo.
And that’s where I will leave that story.
Yes, it’s full of sin and behaviours I am trying to reduce, but remember one thing. I was kind of a hero that night.
I flew to Stockholm the next day.
I stayed with Michaela and her boyfriend. It’s so cool to have friends around the globe to stay with. I haven’t actually stayed in an establishment that I had to pay for, since I left home this time around.
Crazy huh.
We had dinner at a beer and burger place. They had over one hundred beers. It would have been great if I wasn’t so hungover.
The next day we walked around Stockholm, and as Margot kept me company in Jokkmokk for hours, so did Michaela and her boyfriend. I’ve been to Stockholm three times now, and each time I have seen something completely different. I’m not saying there’s a ton to do there, I don’t know, as I have only ever spent one day in Stockholm each time I’ve visited, but it’s an interesting place to have a city-break.
5th October 2020
I arrived in Belgrade, Serbia last night. The last few days have been incredibly busy, though I feel well-rested now. A lot of good people helped me out in the last few days.
I tried Rakia which was pretty cool.
8th October 2020
Why do I grow tiresome of people so quickly?
I think I need to find my own independence somewhere. Follow my own rules, my own standard of living… though I’m still concerned about renting and filling someone else’s pocket.
Then again, it does feel like the solution… at least in the short term.
I felt like I had to get out. Walking and listening to some adrenaline music.
I looked out of the window for some inspiration or direction and there, a bridge was a silhouette in front of the golden orange skyline.
I followed the horizon’s sun to the bridge. I realised I would need to go further to see the real beauty.
How much further?
I would need to climb a mountain or watch it disappear behind the waves of an ocean.
All I could see was a rundown, graffitied urban jungle.
With my music playing in my ears -walk like a badass playlist on Spotify – I felt like running.
So I ran.
I ran the length of the bridge, and unlike Forrest Gump, I stopped as I acknowledged the stitch in my side.
Looking over the bridge railing into the green water below, the music in my ears just became noise, the words meaningless noise, my heart beating against the railing and my lungs rising and deflating with slow deep breaths of air.
I felt an urge to
jump.
But I didn’t. I decided to stand here writing this instead.
I turned back to look at the sunset, but it was gone.
The sky was still lighter, but no longer the orange glow I could see before. Just a slight tint of sky blue fading into whites and light greys.
I need that sun, I thought. I need to sit on a beach, under rays of sunshine staring out to sea, beyond the horizon into the void. I feel like there, answers lie.
I walked a little further and returned to Viv’s flat.
10th October 2020
We walked around Belgrade today. We actually kind of left the city and walked into one of the suburban towns.
The views were pretty nice. I’m surprised how green some of the views are in Belgrade.
Actually, if Belgrade’s streets were a little cleaner and the buildings had a decent coat of paint or professional street art, then Belgrade could be one of the most beautiful cities in the world.
But currently, if you took away the cool jungle island in the centre, it’s a bit of a shithole – like most cities, mind.
It’s also difficult for me to give a real analysis of the city, because of covid. I think the nightlife could be pretty fun, but I don’t see what else it has to offer other than eating and drinking.
Speaking of nightlife, we went out last night too. It was fun. I was pointing out Mars to people and one guy, whom I nicknamed Nikola Tesla said it was Mars before I even told him.
One girl refused to look up at the sky and rode off on her e-scooter.
It was a nice night out, but there was a bit of drama today which is annoying.
12th October 2020
I thought I’d get out of the house this evening, so I headed to a few bars that I knew and one of them had some loud music playing so I went in.
The music was terrible so I was going to leave again, but then I thought fuck it I’m bored with walking in the rain.
I’ll stay for one drink.
And right after I paid for the drink the dude was like, oh, by the way, it’s a concert so you need to buy a ticket for 200 dinars.
And I was like dude “no wtf” and then I remembered it’s like £1.50 so I said “yeah ok”.
Even so. I’m now sitting here wet and cold listening to ear-piercing music that I paid for.
14th October 2020
I booked my flight to Mexico earlier. I think Viv is genuinely surprised that I’m leaving so quickly.
Although I did say it would probably be a pit stop. I knew I want sun and sea. I just thought there would be a chance that I would fall in love with Serbia’s culture. I did not. Not because it’s bad. It’s just not what I enjoy.
I also didn’t really feel comfortable there. Sure we had a night out and laughed a few times, but it felt tense being in such a small flat and disturbing their daily lives.
Anyway, I’m super excited for Mexico. I can be there for six months, which is perfect. It will see me through to April 2021. I have in mind that i will return to the UK and look for some property, perhaps return to the corporate world for some time.
We’ll see. It’s impossible to accurately predict the future right now, so it seems a perfect time to actually bring my thoughts and awareness to the present moment, appreciating everything I have right now.
I’m going to become a feather. I’ll float on destiny during my time in Mexico and live in the present for every moment.
That is my goal.
